TheNursingStudent

Hello! How long has it been since my last update? I am doing fine, how are life treating you all? Since my last update, life has been ok. I had manage to move forward with life and had proceed to go on about my every life which include school and studying. I manage to get pass my feeling of hopelessness and fear, however, today all those feelings came rushing back and once more I feel so hopeless again. I had my biopsy done today which was the worst feeling ever! They took sample from two different area. One at the parotid gland and the other one at my cervical lymph nodes. They did numb the two places, but it not help at all. I could feel them probing and poking at the parotid gland, but did not feel anything at the cervical lymph nodes until they were finish in which the numbing agent had already dissipated and that area became sore and stiff. It was sore for me to even turn my head to the right side all together. I feel so sad and hopeless. I wanted to cry for this pain to stop. I...

Ever since the diagnosis of me possibly having parotid cancer that’s may have metastasized to my cervical lymph nodes brought me much anxiety and fear. I still wanted to deny the fact that there must have been a mistake and that this is probably just a benign tumor x 2. But the more I gone back to reread the diagnostic imaging that was done to confirm such diagnosis – I began to question ‘why me’? I was in my second year of nursing school and was set to graduate next year in October. My life was barely starting and now this. My fears begin to eat me away. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted answers to the question ‘why me?’. I wanted to know how I deserve this or the what ‘if’s’. What if that time I felt the bump on my neck and went to the doctor instead of waiting. What if I didn’t negate my health, would it have not been malignant to this point and I wouldn’t have such bad anxiety and fear of the thought that the cancer cells had already spread to every part of my body? E...